THIS IS MY STORY
In my early twenties a significant event occurred that shifted my life. My mother passed away after a short battle with Lou Gherig's Disease. Getting over her death was difficult for me, I started to suffer from mental health issues that had never been part of my experience. It started with a general feeling of unwell, this led to panic attacks, which finally morphed into its resting place, an anxiety disorder known as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I went on to struggle with OCD for over a decade. It was like a volcano, at times mild or dormant, and then suddenly, as if out of nowhere, blowing up inside of me, making it unbearable just to leave my home.
I remember sitting in my therapists office, in the earlier days, asking him if drinking alcohol was causing my OCD. He didn't even look up from the paper he was writing on, and said, "It's definitely not the cause." However, I always had an inclination that alcohol had some impact, and maybe was even the cause of my disorder. We know our bodies and minds, better than any Doctor's do. Some may wonder, why didn't I just quit drinking? Because just one drink had the power to quell my anxiety, even during extreme times, which is why people self-medicate.
I saw a few therapists over the years, and each time I would broach the subject of lifestyle (alcohol, diet, etc.), they would either ignore me or answer the question haphazardly. I remember one Doctor telling me, well you want to be able to enjoy a drink right? I did so much research and never found a definitive answer.
In 2016, 6 months after completing the Ironman 70.3 Duathlon, I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I went from running up to 21 km's some days to having barely enough energy to walk around the block. During this time, my OCD came back in a vicious form. It was this experience that finally taught me, as if the Universe needed me to have this last lesson, that lifestyle was indeed not only exacerbating my issues, they were the very cause of them. In this lesson, the wisdom gained was that it wasn't just alcohol, there was other factors too, which all triggered the release of chemicals by our fight or flight system, knocking my body out of homeostasis (balance).
My goal is to share Positivity Wisdom & Wellness so that others might find clarity or hope in these messages. I understand that lifestyle is not the cause for everyone's anxiety issues, but if it's like an on/off switch for me, then there has to be others that are triggered the same way, and probably don't realize it, and will suffer needlessly. I hope that I'm able to share some light, for those feeling their way through the dark.
Peace & Love. Namaste.
'The perfection of being human, is in our imperfection'
THIS IS MY BOOK
It's been re-written, and revised a few times over.
Here's a brief synopsis:
There are two people inside all of us; the head and the heart, the ego and the soul. We live in conflict when they are not aligned. For Ted, a middle-class businessman, they are further apart than ever before. After a recent divorce - not of his choosing but of his doing - he spirals down a path of self-destruction. He self-medicates his wretched mind with alcohol. He isolates himself from his friends. When the pain descends so deep, there is only one option: Out. He is found in his family home. A self-inflicted bullet wound to the head. Not dead, his body is shipped to the local hospital and placed on life support. As Ted’s physical existence lies in limbo, the story shifts into his spiritual journey, the bodhi.
Ted wakes up in the same house he shot himself in, where he meets two men, strangers. They guide him into this voyage. Ted learns the Bodhi is just like being in the real world. His goal? Get to the end. This trip sends him on an epic adventure. He gambles and drinks in Las Vegas. There is realization at a wellness retreat in Banff Springs. In Patkar, the village of lights, he finds more loss before feeling love on a Cruise Ship. Finally, he lands in Hong Kong bursting with energy and inspiration. In this journey, he encounters life as he would if he were alive. Along the way, lessons emerge through bursting hearts, broken souls, laughing faces and puffy eyes.
Do his heart and head finally merge?
Does he find the truth hidden within him – within us - all along?
Will he light a fire from the lessons of his past or smolder away amongst the ashes they leave behind.
In this sweeping first novel by Sudheer Joshi, explore one man’s journey into acceptance and peace by following the journey deep into his heart.
Current state of the book: It has been professionally edited and sits in my hard drive, marinating, like a chicken marsala dish. I need to review the edits and rewrite sections, when the universe calls me back to this project. For now, I will just enjoy the smell of marsala brewing in my brain.
THIS IS MY VIDEO/PODCAST HUB
In this area you can find videos of me, and future podcasts will be posted here too. I look forward to your comments, feedback and thoughts.